I haven't blogged in a really really long time. I guess I haven't come across anything that's been worth putting off homework or going out (or eating) in order to take time to write about it. That's obviously changed though, because there's something that's bothering me and I want to write about it.
I was at the bar with my friends, sitting at a table trying to avoid getting elbowed by drunk people - I'm the perfect height for an arm rest and an elbow to the head - casually discussing people we know. We weren't talking about them in a bad way, more or less just talking about them to talk.
I have a close friend that I work with, and it's easiest to describe her as a stereotypical hard-ass, all business, working woman. She's a great person, awesome to work with, and super friendly, but I've always wondered what is it about her, generally, that makes her attractive to guys?
Now, this was a dumb question. I shouldn't have asked it, obviously, partly because I knew the answer (I didn't want to admit it to myself) and partly because whatever answer it was would probably upset me. I guess I just wanted to hear it from a guy's point of view.
The conversation went something like this,
Me: I guess I just don't get it. I like her as a friend, but I almost feel like her personality would scare most guys.
Guy: I've heard from at least three guys that work with her, Blah, Blahh, and Blahh, that they think her aggressive, dominant, no shit attitude she has when she works would translate over to the -
Me: Ok ok ok stop, stop I don't want to hear anymore.
Guy: What? What did I say what's wrong?
Me: I just don't want to hear it.
Guy: Why?
Me: I don't know. Just don't.
Maybe it was because of the alcohol, but it took me a while to figure out why I didn't want my friend to finish his sentence. I stopped drinking after that and immediately got in a worse mood because of that conversation. I finally figured out why I was so appalled at what he said, but it doesn't make me feel any better.
I admire my friend on a number of different levels. One of those levels is her leadership and work skills. She is a very hard worker and gets things done on a schedule. In many ways she embodies the stereotypical bitchy corporate woman. Outside of work, she's much more frantic and disheveled, so I think that I know her differently than a lot of people do. However, I know that because of her work ethic and attitude that she'll do great in the real world when she starts her job in the fall.
What's disappointing to me is that she won't be seen purely as a co-worker or an employee. Before this conversation, I had the idea that women in the work world, unfortunately, could only be viewed as one of three different types. A.) Bitch, hard ass, boss, dominant etc B.) Subordinate, flimsy, overpowered, etc C.) A woman who uses her sexuality and appearance to her advantage.
I'm not sure if this idea is naive, just plain wrong, or a combination of things that could be the truth. But what I realized yesterday is that it doesn't matter what stereotype a working woman fulfills. It doesn't matter if she doesn't fulfill any of them. No matter what she does, others will always use sex to define her. Men, women, every person around her will view her, at least partially, through the lens of sex.
I tried to explain this to my friend, and he said that men are viewed the same way. He gave the example that athletes on campus are viewed as sex objects or objects of desire because of their power. I disagree that these two things are the same because I think that men are still in the position of power in our society.
And on that note, it's not even necessarily men that are in power. It's the idea of the heterosexual male and his family. This concept drives our society and drives others to view women, or men, through the lens of sex.
